TERI'S LIFE ALTERING EXPERIENCE
"Here I was, sitting in Riverside with a great job, stability, lots of vacation time, and a beautiful home. Why was I feeling so unsettled? I felt bored, restless, but couldn't really define anything more beyond that. I couldn't put my finger on it at first, so I started on the first of many discussions about making some changes with Dominique. As we started talking about my feelings I laid out some simple things I wanted. I sought a job that was more relaxed, would eek out more personal time (I already had seven weeks off per year), and get me out of the office. Work was OK, but somehow I wanted a way to have a great time at work and have even more vacation.
Dominique helped me to pinpoint what it was I wanted from work. We had spent quite a few sessions learning to not make my current work feel like such a chore. I found different ways of finding time for fun during each day. I also learned to ask for what I needed from my colleagues without guilt, and to make concise statements and requests that helped me to be happier and more relaxed at work. Learning these skills transferred over to other areas of my life also. Once I accomplished this to a certain degree, I could focus on what an ideal work situation would look and feel like. Dominique didn't have me pick out any particular job, but rather how a particular work day/week would look and feel. This was tough for me and took some time. I wanted to go to work in more casual dress (preferably shorts and a t-shirt), put my hair up in a ponytail, have more fun, and be outdoors more. I also wanted more vacation time. I felt a little ridiculous at times actually verbalizing this. It seemed so immature and child-like, but these were my true desires and I had always felt too embarrassed to express them before. I can't exactly remember how she prompted me and dont know how she got me to pull all of that out of myself, but she did! These conversations evolved into something else that I wanted. This involved making a bigger change, a move to the beach.
I had half-heartedly thrown around the idea of moving to San Diego. I'd always loved the beach and somewhere in the back of my mind wanted that lifestyle, but could it actually become a reality? I had thought that having a life that emulated my vacations would be awesome. For me, that was lolling around the beach, riding my bike, exploring the local shops, finding great little restaurants, and having a lot of fun! After much beating around the bush, I discussed it with Dominique and that I wanted to make this happen. The whole idea of it was very overwhelming and I thought of numerous obstacles, but Dominique was excellent at helping think of the "Why versus the "Why Not". She helped me realize that if I really wanted to have it, that it was possible and she would teach me how. YIKES! How could she be so certain that I could do that when I had huge doubts about it myself? However, that kind of validation from her in fact helped me feel like it was not such a crazy idea.
We started with a timeline. Since I worked in education, I wanted to make the transition in the summer. We continued focusing on making myself happy in my present job, always practicing weekly the skills I had learned thus far. That was the odd thing to me. I was actually enjoying my work in Riverside more than I had in years. I no longer felt like I needed to get out of there like I did before, like I was fine with what I was doing, yet I was still feeling pulled to make some changes. During this time, I went to a computer conference in San Diego. A few days before the conference I saw a flyer for a job faire the same weekend. I decided should go and see what was happening. At the conference, there were some school districts advertising for that same job faire across town the next day. I decided I was definitely going.
I arrived the next morning with a few hundred other teachers. The crowd was huge! Every school district in the county was there taking applications, with some giving interviews. I ended up having a few interviews and at the end of the day went back to my hotel hoarse and exhausted. A few bites, but no job! I went back to work the next week and continued on with life. Then three weeks later, I had two job offers! What was so awesome was that one of them was teaching Adapted PE for a special education department. It was suddenly a reality! I would have a great job, be outdoors in casual clothes everyday, and have an additional four weeks off per year. WOW! Then I completely freaked out. I now had to find a place to live! Aside from being an enormous creature of habit, I had lived in the same city for 37 of my 38 years. The thought of getting my house sold and finding a new place within five months was daunting.
Somewhere in that time Dominique explained a new idea to me that of being able to manifest certain things in my life. She explained the basic concept to me. It was and still is difficult for me to wrap my brain around this idea. After her explanation, it sounded like I had done it somehow finding my job. Now I was going to put the concept into practice again, this time finding my new home.
After another session discussing my move, I discovered something about myself. I was harboring this belief that I didnt somehow deserve a house by the beach, and that having this kind of life was somehow throwing my very modest wealth into the face of my working class family. Oh, the guilt of it all! We had a couple more sessions that examined my two very opposing viewpoints:
1. The Guilt. I dont deserve that great lifestyle, and that if I had any extra income, I shouldn't flaunt it by showing off, move away from my rather tight-knit immediate family, and spend all of that money on myself.
2. The Fun. Dang it, I just want to have fun and a more active lifestyle!
I finally realized that after looking at both sides that it was OK to allow myself some fun, make the move, that I wasnt being disrespectful, showing off, or trying to separate myself, and that I could do it all guilt-free. I saw that it was OK to move just because I wanted to enjoy my life and have this new experience. Once I settled into the comfort of those new realizations, I was ready to go. But now the very real world worries of being able to afford living at the beach crept in. I lived in a nice home in a great area of town in Riverside
would I be able find something as nice in San Diego? Looking for a home in San Diego turned discouraging quickly. It was horribly expensive
where was that house I was searching for?
Next, Dominique had me actually draw what my house would look like. I had to draw everything! I drew what it looked like on the outside, front & back, the floor plan, the beach nearby, I even drew my pets into the picture. A week later I was faxing my pictures to Dominique, showing I had completed my homework. I thought it was a little silly at first. I was a little uncomfortable with it, not wanting to trap myself into a certain look or feel to the house.
Then I went back to my everyday life, spending a few weekends in San Diego looking for a place to live. Dominique suggested not systematically scouring neighborhoods, driving streets, and getting an agent just yet, but rather just get a general feel for the different communities. Did I listen? NOPE! My very linear, logical, thinking mind took over. I thought that I should live in this section or that section of town. This turned into weeks of beating my head against a brick wall. I was looking for a house to rent, not wanting to buy a house or commit to an area I wasnt sure Id like in the long run. This was frustrating also since I could not seem to find any rentals that I liked. After I finally confessed as to what Id been doing, we delved deeper into what the house would actually feel like to me.
Dominique had me relax and visualize the house with some prompts she had given, and then proceeded to ask me questions about what I was seeing in my head. Through this session, I more clearly defined this house. A house appeared in my mind's eye. It was not a complete picture as seen in a magazine, but snapshots of different areas of the house, although they were very detailed. Through Dominiques questioning I was able to get the following information. The house was a brown color, it had wood pillars on the front, and it was about 60 years old. However, a couple of things were bothering me. First, there were some stairs going up, and I wanted a single story house. So Dominique prompted me to erase the stairs and make it look the way I wanted. The other thing was that the floors were all covered with carpet and I didn't want the house covered with carpet. So in my mind I peeled the carpeting back to the left and revealed beautiful wood floors. That made the interior beautiful in my mind. Now where I stood inside that house I could get easily to the backyard through a passageway back through the center of the house to my backyard. With that I felt complete and we ended the session. Now along with my drawings, I had even more information to work with. We concluded with some instructions from Dominique that when I go to San Diego again, to have some fun, enjoy myself, and quit trying so hard!
The next time my spouse and I had some time off, we headed down to San Diego and went up to the North County area. We went there to explore, take in the beaches up there, and have some fun. We ended up in a cute village area near the water filled with shops and restaurants. We were walking down the street window-shopping and walked by a real estate agency and couldnt resist looking at pictures of houses in the window. An agent walked by inside and popped her head out the door. She said hi and asked if we were looking for anything. We said "No, not really." She came all the way out and we started chatting and telling her we were just here for the day having fun. We told her we were moving to the San Diego area, but couldn't find anything we wanted to rent and about our needs. She started doing her "real estate agent thing" and we just said "No thanks" and started to continue our walk down the street. She stopped us and said that she lived up the road and the area she lived in was close to the beach and a great neighborhood. She finally said, "C'mon, let's take a ride and I'll show you my neighborhood, there are a couple of houses available up there." So we hopped in her car and drove five minutes up the road.
We drove around for a few blocks, taking everything in and then she stopped in front of this house. We got out of the car and stood in front looking at it. I thought it was very cool even though the yard definitely needed some TLC, but it was nice. I stood there some more. Hmmm...wood pillars, garage off to the left, fenced back yard, big window in the front...wow, this kind of looks like the house I drew months ago for Dominique. We walked around to the backyard. It was large for being so close to the beach. We came around and went in the front door. That's when it struck me. There it was, wood flooring in the house, with a small area of new carpet peeled back to the left in the small dining area. The agent told us that carpeting had just recently been pulled out and the wood re-done. I looked up an almost straight back through the center of the house I could get to a sliding glass door that led out to the backyard. It was just what I had seen weeks before in the session with Dominique. We continued to look around. I really liked the house, it just felt warm and cozy inside. I asked the agent how old it was, because my very practical mind kicked in thinking, "Man, this house is old, it probably has a lot of hidden trouble." I asked the age of the house. It was 55 years old. We walked down to the beach taking only a few minutes to get there. We stood there looking at the ocean. My mind was reeling. What was going on? How could this place seem so perfect? Why today? Why here? I had to admit there were some strong correlations with everything I had drawn, thought, talked about, hoped for in my work with Dominique over the past months. Although it was exactly what we had been looking for, I was getting a little overwhelmed and didn't want to make any decisions about anything right then and there. So we went back to the village area and said thank you and good-bye.
We went back to Riverside and later that week I pulled out the pictures I had drawn long ago. The similarities were striking. Through my work with Dominique I had drawn that house I was just in and had gotten more details about it with subsequent sessions. We went back to look at the house again and put in an offer that was later accepted. As escrow progressed we had an independent home inspection. I notice some ground up stucco outside in the backyard. I asked if there had been any construction done lately and they explained that the owner had removed the second story rooms over the house, removed the stairs, and re-roofed the house so that it could be sold. "Good grief" I thought to myself, they took out the stairs! I was genuinely shocked, although by this time I should not have been. A couple of months later we moved in.
So here I am, living a life that only a couple of years ago I would never had dared to dream. I have a job that gives me a comparable salary to what I made before and 11 weeks off per year. I get up every morning and throw on some shorts, t-shirt, sneakers, put my hair up and my sunglasses on. I live in an incredible place, with the beach a few blocks away, a grand assortment of activities, restaurants, bike paths, and pedestrian zones. In a period of about 6 months I had turned my dream into reality. My weekly work with Dominique paid off. Although it didn't feel like work (well sometimes it did!...), I know that my effort and Dominique's skill at guiding me has led me here. I still pinch myself occasionally, especially at times where I am in the moment really enjoying and appreciating the things I had dreamt of doing...riding my bike by the ocean, cruising the shops nearby, getting dressed for work, having breakfast at an outdoor café and reading the newspaper, carrying my sand chair, a book, and a snack to the nearby beach. I feel a great sense of accomplishment, and a huge debt of gratitude to Dominique for teaching me how to invite these experiences into my life. Working with her has definitely been a life altering experience for me."
- Teri Maxwell, 39. San Diego, CA.
Seattle & Bellevue office (206) 387-8384
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